You Have To Be Kidding!
by FMA Hardcore Fan Ash and Weird Friends
Summary: Jean Havoc and Roy Mustang are jocks! Riza a prep! SCAR A GOTH! Oh great! Yeah yeah yeah. some OOCness. No flames!
1. Chapter 1

**You Have To Be Kidding!**

**Summary: Jean Havoc and Roy Mustang are jocks! Riza a prep! SCAR A GOTH! Oh great! Yeah yeah yeah. My friend, Julian, and I have sent the FMA characters to High School! some OOCness**

**Ash: Hey, hey, hey! Okay first FMA fic yeah so don't get harsh kay? Also my good friend who is like a brother to me Julian is here to help with the story too! **

**Julian: (Is doing his demo tape) Hey there, my name is Julian, and me and Ash here have tons of stories but we never post it. Wonder why? Well Ash's little sister deletes them. So anyway on my way to be the next 50 Cent so here's Ashley!**

**Ash: Okay thanks for saying my name Julian. So anyway before we begin neither me or 'Pimp J' know nothing what goes on in high school. So bare with us kay? **

**Ash: 'Pimp J'? Julian you are one weird guy**

**Julian: (50 Cent's P.I.M.P rap starts playing) i don't know what you heard about me, but a b!tch can't get a dollar out of me, no cadillac, no perms, you can't see, that i'm a motherf!cking ****P-I-M-P!**

**Ash: O.o okay you are weird dude...on with chappie! (Also everyone is called by their first name not last like in the series)**

**(Chapter One: New Students)**

**Roy Mustang sat at his desk, wishing something intresting would happen. He was waiting for his best friend, Jean Havoc, to come to class. Roy sighed, as a strange girl walked in. His jaw dropped; she was really hot! She had curves in all the right places, and was wearing dark blue jeans with a dark blue jean jacket with a white tank top under, and white clogs. Her long dark brown hair was pulled into a messy bun, not including her bangs, and her eyes were brown.**

**She took a seat behind him. Roy turned around and smiled. "Hey, babe, what's your name?"**

**The girl looked at him. "Ash Vera. What's it to you?"**

**"Vera?" Roy mused, ignoring her question. "That's a new one. My name is Roy."**

**"Wonderful for you," she said opening a book under her desk.**

**"What'cha reading?"**

**"None of your business..." Ash snapped, as Jean walked in.**

**"Hey man!" he said, walking up to Roy and giving him a high-five. Taking the seat next to him, he asked, "Wassup?"**

**"Oh nothing," Roy replied, glancing towards Ash.**

**Jean's eyes lit up. "Well...Who's this?"**

**Ash sighed, "Ash Vera. Now leave me alone."**

**"Fiesty one isn't she?" Roy laughed.**

**She growled again, and went back to reading her book. A tall guy with white hair and red eyes walked in the classroom. Ash's head shot up, and she watched him walk to the back of the class. He was wearing all black, like a goth would. Their eyes met for a brief moment, and she looked away.**

**Roy looked from Ash to the boy. "You shouldn't get involved with him, babe. That's Scar. He's a complete weirdo and is into magic and crap like that."**

**"Gotta problem with magic?" she asked dangerously, fingering a pendant hanging from her neck. It was a sphere with two layers and a six-pointed star inside it.**

**Roy sweat dropped. "No! No! Of course not! That guy's just plain creepy..."**

**"Yeah," Jean agreed, "_Really _creepy..."**

**"Hey babe," Roy smiled, "wanna come to my game tonight."**

**"Uh no." Ash snapped. "And stop calling me 'babe'! Sheesh you can just call me dude ya know!"**

**"Fine, fine!" Roy said defeated. _He, _the star quaterback, had just been _dissed _by a girl!**

**Jean snickered. "Aww! Poor Roy didn't score! First time for everything I guess..."**

**Roy hit him in the back of the head as the teacher walked in. "Now settle down and turn to page 40!"**

**Ash sighed. That Roy dude really had some nerve asking her out like that! Like she'd even be interested. **

**Ash sat at an empty lunch table with a notebook in front of her, waiting for her friend to arrive.**

**A guy with black hair walked up to the table, brown eyes alive with excitement. He was wearing a baggy, white T-shirt and dark blue baggy jeans.**

**"Hey Ash!" he smiled. "How was your day so far?"**

**"It sucked Julian. Some idiot made a hit on me..." she muttered. "Oh shit! Here he comes!**

**Sure enough. Roy stopped at their table. His grey eyes lit up when he saw her, and he ran a hand through his raven-black hair.**

**"Hey Ashy girl! Who's your friend?" Roy asked, looking at Julian and not caring about Ash growling when he called her 'Ashy girl'.**

**"Julian Jordan and you are Roy Mustang right?" Julian replied.**

**Roy nodded, and Ash replied, "Go away Roy. Go join your jock friends please?"**

**Roy turned his attention to Ash, and spotted the notebook. "What's this?" he asked picking it up and opening it.**

**"I wouldn't look in there if I was you," Ash and Julian said together.**

**"Why? Looks like an ordinary notebook," he then started to read and his eyes widened.**

**"Told'ya moron..." Ash muttered, her face turning red. She knew what was coming next...**

**"_BLOOD! GORE! KILLING! BEATING! _WHAT KINDA WRITING FREAK ARE YOU!" he yelled so everyone could hear.**

**Ash stood up, brown eyes boring into grey ones. She grinned, "A horror-writing freak, baby. But don't worry I only write the stories of people who are worthy enough to even come near me." **

**Startled, Roy walked away, leaving everyone staring and muttering about Ash. She grinned at them all. She sat back down smiling innocently at Julian.**

**"I hate it when you do that..." Julian muttered then sighed.**

**"I can't help being a horror writing freak," Ash defended herself. **

**"Guess you're right," **

**"Hey Julian how did you know about that Roy dude anyway?"**

**"By some girl named Lust I think."**

**"And how do you know this Lust? I guess you're infatuated with her or somethin' like that."**

**"I hate it when you do that too."**

**"Do what?"**

**  
"Use big words...it's so freakin annoying..."**

**Ash laughed. "I'm buying you a dictionary for your birthday."**

**"Oh why thank you Ash," Julian said sarcastically.**

**"By the way...Infatuated means liking someone from a distance, otherwise known as a crush."**

**"I ALREADY GOT A GIRLFRIEND ASH SO BE QUIET!"**

**(End Chapter 1...TBC...)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Julian: Hey there guys! Well here's another chapter of course**

**Ash: (writing rap for Julian) Must hurry!**

**Julian: Yeah cause I gotta meet Jazze Pha so he could hear the demo and that...**

**Ash: Hey how come I can't get a meeting with Jazze Pha?**

**Julian: Hey don't worry Ash when I get famous you can be my...one of my 'non-important' rap/song writer (Ash shines a really bright laser in his eyes) Ahh! I'm blind! Write slave!**

**Ash: (whacks him with the notebook) I'm not your slave moron!**

**Julian: Fine...ow my head...oh yeah! Before I let you read on the story we do not own FullMetal Alchemist and if we did...**

**Ash: Al would be the main character and Hughes will be alive and well! Yaay!**

**Julian: (whispers) she has this weird obsession with Al in his teenage human form and Hughes so ignore her please**

**Ash: I heard that! Anyway on with the second chapter!**

**(Chapter Two: Prep Posse!)**

**Ash sat at her desk in math and sighed. 'I hate math,' she thought to herself. Just then, a group of people walked in all wearing bright and happy colors. 'Nooo! Anything, _anything _but preps!' she then looked around frantically. The only open seat were near her! 'Oh just my freakin' luck...'**

**Julian looked over to Ash and thought, 'Might as well keep her company, dumb preps...' he stood up and walked to the seat right from Ash, "Hey there chika, might as well save your butt to the right side of you."**

**"Oh why thanks I feel so loved," Ash muttered as the lead prep sat behind her. She had mahogany-colored eyes and blonde hair. Ash ducked her head, trying not to attract attention. 'Damn you Roy!'**

**The prep behind Julian whispered something to the Queen Bee. Her eyes lit up and she smiled. "Hey! Aren't you the horror-writer from the lunch room?" she asked. "I'm Riza Hawkeye,"**

**Ash smiled, falsely. "Ash Vera, and yeah, that's me..."**

**"Ooh! We've never had a horror-writer here before!" said one of the other preps with bleach-blonde hair.**

**"I bet," Ash muttered turning back to talk to Julian.**

**"What's it like?" Riza asked.**

**Ash sighed and turned back. "What's what like?"**

**"Being a horror-writer."**

**Ash smiled sadistically, "Put it this way horror/angst writers make it sadistic, bad-ass, and gory."**

**"Okay," Riza said then went back to talking with her posse.**

**Ash then turned back to Julian who was shaking his head and grinning.**

**"First day of school and you already have a reputation...you broke my record." he said. **

**"Hey just wanna continue my conversing with ya,"**

**"And stop using big words will you!"**

**"You don't know what conversing means?" Ash smiled.**

**Their 'conversing' fell short as the guy with white hair and red eyes walked in. Ash's eyes followed him, as did Julian.**

**"Uh Ash sorry if I'm being rude but I have a feeling you like him," Julian replied.**

**"No way!" Ash replied and she twapped herself on the head, "I so totally don't like him, see all thoughts are now gone."**

**"Uh-huh sure Ashy girl,"**

**"What ya wanna dare me too do somethin?"**

**"Yeah go sit next to him,"**

**Ash turned around and said, "Some people beat me to it I think."**

**The preps were gathered around him, Julian said, "You can try to sit next to him. Good luck, and if ya can't I'll save your seat!"**

**"Yeah, yeah," she muttered walking over to the group.**

**The preps eyed her dangerously, but she smiled again, innocently. Riza whispered something to her friends, and they moved. Ash gave Julian an 'I did it' smile, and sat down next to Scar. She pulled out her book called 'Witchcraft for Nocturnals' and began reading, looking over to Scar every few sentences. She could tell he was watching her.**

**Julian sighed and said, "Acting all innocent...wait SHE CAN'T ACT INNOCENT!" he said a little bit too loud...**

**Ash and Scar both looked at him oddly and Ash pretended that Julian was talking about someone else.**

**Julian sighed again, 'Ash is one strange girl...but some actor too.'**

**Ash felt Scar's eyes on her again, and she continued reading, 'Say something! Anything! Ask about the book! Anything!'**

**"Is that a good book?" a monotonous voice said from the seat next to her.**

**"Yeah, very," she smiled. "I'm Ash Vera, and you?"**

**"Scar," he replied cautiously. "Aren't you the one who the whole cafeteria was talking about? The horror-writer?"**

**"Yeah that would be me." she replied. 'Stupid Roy you moron!' she thought as well.**

**"Fascinating," Scar said. "Horror writing is a hobby of mine as well."**

**She felt herself smile. "Really? Finally someone who can understand me and my wirting better! Besides Julian that is."**

**"Julian?"**

**"Yeah. That guy in front," Ash pointed Julian out to him. He had been staring at the two, but stopped the moment he saw them looking. He smiled and waved.**

**"Oh yes, isn't he African-American?" Scar asked.**

**"Yeah, I am too, but only half, the other half Latina," Ash replied.**

**Julian yelled, "I'm Black and I'm proud of it!" then bursted out laughing.**

**(End Chapter Two: TBC...)**

**Ash: Hello there! I'm filling in for Julian while he's at his 'so-called rap session' and I hope you liked the chapter! Please review! But remember no flames! See ya!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Ash: Hey! Okay now we introduce a new character! Yaay! And Julian is still at that 'so-called rap session' man I didn't know it was long...so anyways bear with me kay! R&R please!**

**(Chapter Three: Geeks, Third Friend, and Art Class)**

**After math class, Julian sighed as Ash smiled brightly. It was Art class next. **

**"Hey Ash! Julian! Wait up for me!" shouted a voice.**

**The two turned around to see a black-haired grey-green eyed girl wearing a black shirt with '59 percent Angel 41 percent Devil Got a Problem with That?' in sliver lettering and dark blue jeans. **

**"Oye alli birdy!" Ash said as Birdy and Julian looked at her strangely. Ash looked confused then finally got it. "Oh sorry it's Spanish for hey there birdy!" The two still looked at her strangely then sighed.**

**The three then sat next to each other in the last three seats. At the table in front of them, sat a boy and a girl. The girl had on a white shirt and black pants. She had long blonde hair. The guy wore a grey shirt and brown pants. His hair was dark blond.**

**"Geeks?" Birdy whispered.**

**"Shhh! Don't bring attention to ourselves!" Ash said as the three turned around.**

**"Too late," Julian whispered.**

**"Hi!" the girl said happily. "I'm Winry Rockbell!"**

**Ash smiled slightly, "Ash Vera. And this is Singing Bird Stephens or aka Birdy, and Julian Jordan."**

**"My name is Alphonse Elric but you can call me Al," the guy said. "I'm Edward Elric's little brother,"**

**"Who's Edward Elric?" the three asked raising an eyebrow.**

**"You haven't heard of Edward Elric!" Winry exclaimed. **

**The three shook their heads. "What's he famous for?" they asked at the same time.**

**"He's the famous soccer player here," Winry replied.**

**"You guys must be new right?" Al asked.**

**"Yeah," Ash replied. Just her luck, Roy and Jean walked in. "Ahh!"**

**"Oh Jean and Roy? What's wrong with them?" Birdy asked.**

**"Well it's Roy. He exclaimed in the lunch room that Ash was horror-writer," Julian replied.**

**"I see...well be right back!" Birdy said.**

**She walked over and started to talk to Roy. Ash sighed. But then Julian walked over to Winry and Al and started asking questions about Ed and how good is he at soccer. Now Ash was by herself. Again her luck got in the way. Birdy sat next to Roy, and Jean started walking towards her. 'Somebody save me!' she thought, resting her head on the desk. She sensed someone sat next to her, and looked up. Ash was about to tell 'Jean' to go away, when she noticed that 'Jean' had dyed his hair white.**

**"Hello, Ash. I hope you don't mind me sitting here. Your friends seem to have deserted you," Scar said.**

**"Well yeah, one to sit with the moron. The other asking sport questions about this soccer player here. But go ahead I don't mind you sitting here," Ash smiled.**

**The teacher passed around paper, and told them to draw something creative. Ash sighed, and started to draw something. In the end, it turned out to be Scar. It was an excellent look-alike of him.**

**"Is that me?" Scar asked.**

**"Yeah, it's not very good, but hey," Ash smiled.**

**"That's a very good picture I wouldn't call it bad it's excellent." Scar replied.**

**The teacher came and collected their things. And when the class ended Ash quickly got out and sighed waiting for her two friends to get out.**

**(End Chapter 3: TBC...)**

**Ash: Sorry for the shortness people! Anyway now you know my friend Birdy!**

**I, ROYMUSTANGSULTIMATEFANGIRL, DO NOT OWN FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST, EXCEPT ASH. BIRDY BELONGS TO SINGING BIRD STEPHENS AND JULIAN JORDAN BELONGS TO JULIAN ROBERSON, WHO ARE THE TWO HELPING ME WITH THIS STORY.**

**Ash: sorry again for it being short. R&R!**


End file.
